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Sanity saving tips for your marriage

The first year of your baby’s life is likely to place a massive strain on your relationship with your partner. Expect that, and try to ride out the difficult patches without resorting to violence and without fleeing your marriage


Share parenting between you as much as possible. It works better when there are two, working together as a team


Mom: Allow and encourage dad to participate in the care of your baby


Dad: Take an active role in caring for your baby, both at night and during the day


Ascertain whether you have the same or conflicting parenting styles. If your parenting styles differ, remember that there isn’t a wrong or a right. Some people like strict routines, others like to sleep with the baby and breastfeed on demand any time of the day or night. Somewhere in between is probably better. If you are polarizing one another by taking extreme positions, try to move into the centre a bit and take the middle ground


Recognize that sleep deprivation makes people irrational, irritable, depressed, sick and highly difficult to live with. You are both probably sleep deprived right now. Don’t expect much from each other for the first year of your baby’s life


You will both be giving huge amounts of energy to your baby, and much less to each other than before. That can make you angry and resentful and it can leave you both feeling neglected and deprived.


Acknowledge that when you are enraged with each other, it might be that you are unconsciously angry at the position that you have been put into by your baby. It isn’t your partner’s fault. The blame is more your baby’s actually, but we all know you can’t take it out on her, so your partner is the punching bag or the scapegoat.


Keep talking to one another and try to keep connected. Early parenthood is hard enough as a couple. It’s even worse when you’re doing it alone


Watch out for the signs of postnatal depression and, if necessary, get treatment without delay


See a parent-infant psychologist if you are struggling as a family to adjust to life with your baby




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